Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Obama Fly Massacre

Although I consider myself a libertarian (and, therefore, liberal on a great many social issues) I must admit that few organizations seem more ridiculous to me than PETA. First of all, I grew up on a farm. I’ve probably killed hundreds of chickens in my lifetime. (My grandfather and uncle had five poultry houses that I used to work in growing up.)

During my youth I gutted deer and hogs. I herded cattle and forced them into pens to take all manor if pills and to endure all kinds of injections. I have even on occasion eaten veal with no trace of guilt.

Show me all the youtube videos you want of the horrific ways we process the animals we eat. I'll still eat them. That's what the top of the food chain does.

But, I am not a cold-hearted Neanderthal. I love all kinds of animals. To me, however, PETA people represent the quintessential neurotic development of the bourgeois, non-agrarian, intelligencia that has wreaked havoc with our justice system and our education system. They are people grown too soft, too whiny, so urbane that they have lost themselves in a twisted view of the natural world that more closely resembles a psychedelic bedtime story (to see some of PETAs demonstrations) than flesh and blood reality.

My opinion is that Human Being is animal Being. In spite of the illusion of ethics and morality (which are just fancy words for human preferences), animals treat each other rather viciously. It's genetic and it doesn't make us less "human" to Be our animal selves. OK?

Earlier this week President Obama, during an interview with CNBC, was irritated by a common fly buzzing around his head. At the first opportunity,
Obama coolly swatted and killed the fly. It is something I have done and just about everyone I know has done a thousand times. At some family events we empower some ADHA child with a fly swatter and allow the child to police the area while everyone else shares a meal.

PETA called the president’s action an “execution.” Further, PETA has sent Obama a special device to “humanely” capture and release the future flies so they don't share their compatriot’s fate.

I’m not making this shit up.

Look. This might seem like just a technicality but this is not an animal. This is (or was) AN INSECT. So, perhaps PETA should form a subsidiary 501c3 organization PETI for "insectual" sentient Beings. Pity they didn’t think of that. Get it?

Do I even need to point out how horribly disease-ridden and devastating to crops and other living things the insect realm is? Should we now start to “humanely” capture and deport to some African island all of our cockroaches? Where does the line actually stand here?

I suppose PETA would frown on the fact all my honeybees died during my seventh grade science project. Lori Buttrum's exhibit next to mine in the science fair featured dozens of butterflies she captured and helplessly crucified by pinning them to foam board. Grounds for life without parole I suppose.

I'm not a very religious person but it seems PETAists would make out just fine in Jainism. The Jainist principle to "cause no harm to any living being" often includes the wearing masks of so as not to accidentally breath in microscopic organisms thereby inadvertently killing them.

From that perspective, PETA isn't trying to "advance" human consciousness, as they claim. They are merely trying to perpetuate a rather arcane, naive, and extreme religious perspective on us all. Like all religions really. Their faith is the faith, for everyone.

Somewhere between Auschwitz and the Obama Fly Massacre there lies sanity. Only PETA draws no such distinctions.

I wonder if PETA realizes that those teleprompters the president uses practically everywhere also act as bug zappers? Ooops. Better keep that on under wraps.

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